A Late Introduction To The Beehive Daily
A month ago, Clint Betts and I started a daily podcast.
In this time I’ve learned a lot of things about myself, the world, and ASMR. There are people who fall asleep to the sound of a teenage boy blowing into a straw. There are people who fall asleep to the soft, sticky sounds of a teenage boy eating Chick-fil-A Mac & Cheese. There are people who fall asleep to a teenage boy roleplaying a bad doctor.
I’ve learned a lot about ASMR.
This daily podcast — about the news, but not about the news at all — will continue under some loose guidelines. Here is your (late) introduction to The Beehive Daily.
We are a middle page podcast.
If you’re looking for front or back page news, you’re in the wrong place. This is a middle page podcast ONLY. Clint and I meet every morning and browse through physical newspapers: Deseret News, Salt Lake Tribune, Daily Herald, Wall Street Journal, and The New York Times. We select the middle page stories that fit our fancy, make some notes, and discuss. Topics so far include people breastfeeding their dogs, an erotic Colonel Sanders novel published by KFC, and bighorn sheep that vape. And unfortunately for both you and us, we will continue to discuss ASMR and do our best “smexy” mouth sounds into the microphone.
We will constantly talk about why news people wear suits and dresses.
Amidst all the mysteries of the universe, this stands alone. Men and women who go on camera to discuss ASMR wear suits and dresses. It can’t be talked about enough. The suits and dresses, not ASMR. You can definitely talk too much about ASMR.
We will always question the term “expert.”
Experts don’t exist. Our daily newspaper perusals are littered with the term. For example, an ASMR expert is a guy who listens to a boy blow through a straw. He is interviewed by The New York Times, introduced as an expert, and his word is accepted as gospel because he listens to a boy blow through a straw. Please interpret the term “expert” accordingly.
We will write apologies for you or to you.
There is no shortage of apologies in 2019. But there is a shortage of quality apologies, and that’s where this podcast comes in: we will write an apology for you or to you. I’m not joking. We have set up an email address (firstname.lastname@example.org). We have purchased expensive paper, quill, and ink. We are dying to write apologies and we have never taken anything this serious.
We will determine who is a Hero and who is a Not Hero.
At the end of every podcast, we choose one person and determine if they are a Hero or Not Hero. We have set up an email address (email@example.com) if anyone needs a Hero/Not Hero decided in their everyday life. We have never taken anything this serious except apology letters.
It’s about the news, but not about the news at all.
We will talk about puppy packs. We will blame the religious nones. We will opine on opinion columns. We will wonder why our families are crumbling. We will dive into the furthest depths of middle page news and live to tell the tale. We hope.
(Design: Josh Fowlke) (Editor: Rachel Swan)