If you are a service provider in North Salt Lake, please do not show up to this poor man’s house.

By The Beehive

Newsletter

March 27, 2019

If you are a service provider in North Salt Lake, please do not show up to this poor man’s house.

Lost/Found (Chris Rawle, The Beehive)

A prose pair.

'Stalking on steroids': Pricey pranks tormenting Utah family, multiple businesses (Pat Reavy, Deseret News)

We have another reminder people are very, very strange. Walt Gilmore has spent the past seven months fending off service providers he doesn’t need: electricians, pizza delivery, plumbers, landscapers, prostitutes, and spies. They show up at his house — sometimes up to 20 times per day — because somebody is playing an insane prank on him and calling/texting service providers all day, every day. Walt says his family knows the person, who is a current resident of Hawaii. This is how a human chooses to spend their Hawaii vacation, by setting up 20 plumber appointments per day on behalf of someone who doesn’t want them? My friends, people are very strange indeed.

New welding technology facility at Uintah Basin Tech College 'a big deal,' says system chairman (Marjorie Cortez, Deseret News)

Most ribbon cutting ceremonies follow a similar formula: old men congratulating one another while being applauded by old men also congratulating one another. Not at Uintah Basin Technical College. They opened a new welding facility in Roosevelt by creating a giant ribbon of sheet metal and welding the piss out of it. A sculpture was unveiled. Stats were busted about Utah’s prowess in the welding industry, with past UBTech gaining recognition as some of the world’s finest welders. One student cut right to the chase: “I'm so excited to use all the materials and the new torches.”

The Lonely Master: From March Madness to Shanghai, the unlikely journey of Jimmer Fredette (Jesse Hyde, Deseret News)

This profile on Jimmer Fredette starts with him inside an empty Shanghai apartment on Christmas Eve, building a nativity scene from legos. Later Brian Goorjian, the coach of the Shanghai Sharks, describes Jimmer as “like a Boy Scout. I’ve never heard him swear. I’ve never heard him talk bad about anyone. He’s polite to everyone. Signs every autograph. He’s in bed early. He’s like a 70-year-old man.” What kind of 70-year-old men does Brian hang out with? He also says, “Within the NBA Jimmer is at the bottom of the gene pool.” Easy on the constructive criticism, coach. Would a man nicknamed “Lonely Master” really find himself alone at the bottom of the NBA gene pool? The Phoenix Suns are about to find out.