Go home, Target. You're drunk.
The last couple of years have been surprising in a whole bunch of horrific ways, but nothing—not a global pandemic, not the SLC earthquake, not the rise of conspiracy theorists—has been quite as shocking as the ubiquity of trek garb in the Target women's department.
If I'm being completely honest, I'm mostly upset that these frocks were not so widely available in the summer of 2003 whilst I prepared to cosplay as a pioneer in the Wyoming desert.
Hats (bonnets?) off to the influencers making these looks work in their sponsored posts. The rest of us await a sartorial return to modern day.
A Progressive Thanksgiving
Paige Wightman gave us all the tips and tricks for putting on your very own Progressive Friendsgiving this year, complete with specific recommendations around Utah.
Remember, for a progressive dinner to work, we need multiple courses at different locations. We’ve put together for you four rounds: drinks, appetizers, main course, and dessert. Don’t let me put you in a box. Use these ideas and make your own adventure!
For my bougie crowd, here’s what I recommend:
Order a drink from BTG Wine Bar or Lake Effect: This will set the night off on a vibe, which of course, is what we want. I went to BTG once and only ordered mac and cheese (some of the best in the city) and felt like I had ordered off the kid’s menu while all the fancy moms and dads were enjoying a trip to Tuscany or Napa Valley.
Get yourself over to The Rest, a speakeasy cocktail bar with killer tapas on Main Street. What is bougier than knowing about a secret, hidden tapas bar in the middle of the city? Enter through Bodega on the main level and tell the bartender that you have a reservation downstairs. You’ll be taken to this private oasis to enjoy a whiskey in a spot that looks like it is straight from the set of Midnight in Paris.
Fill up on the main course at Oquirrh, which is hard to spell, but a no brainer when it comes to delicious food. The menu changes seasonally, but this is the type of place where you can trust the chef, who creates masterpieces from locally sourced ingredients.
Save room for dessert at HSL! The sweet and savory dessert menu items are as tasty as they are Instagram-able.
Read the full piece here:
This piece prompted a number of angry emails, and if I had to guess, I think the senders only read, and misunderstood, the word "progressive" in the title.
LRE perfectly sums up one of the best episodes of the franchise to date, with a completely unhinged dinner invitation, an inaccurate description of the degrees of glory, and, of course, the moment we've all been waiting for.
In the Beauty Lab + Laser parking lot, in a strip mall next to a Dollar Tree, the gals are loading up the bus for a road trip to Vail. Heather calls Mary who tells her she’s flying private and will meet them there. She is blowing thousands of dollars to avoid road tripping with Detective Whitney.
Whitney and Jennie arrive, then Jen in the box braids we’ve seen in the tabloids since March. Finally Lisa rolls up in an Almost Famous-like coat I would have made my whole personality in 2008.
The fourth wall is broken and we see production installing cameras in the bus. With 11 minutes left in the episode, Jen gets a call from, presumably, Sharrieff:
She asks Whitney to turn off her mic before heading outside while still on the phone. She tells Heather she has some bad news: “I just got a phone call and Sharrieff Sr. is in the hospital. He has internal bleeding, so I need to go.” Heather asks her if they need to stay and wait for her, but Jen urges them to leave without her.
There’s been lots of talk online about Jen’s hospital lie, but what is she going to say? That the feds are after her? She did sound like Erika Jayne fumbling Tom's burglary story, but what’s a girl on the run supposed to do?
Jen’s assistant #2, Murilo, throws Jen’s bags into the bed of what the chyron tells us is Jen’s aunt’s pickup truck and they drive away. Outside the windows of the van, we see police, SWAT team members, and Homeland Security officers surround the bus, but the ladies don’t notice yet. The cameras show producers talking to the officers:
At first Whitney thinks it’s all a prank. But while Heather talks to the officers, Whitney and Lisa put the pieces together:
Read the full piece here:
From the Podcast
This week on Hive Mind: Pete Davidson continues to dominate our conversations by holding hands with Kim Kardashian. Mariah Carey is becoming increasingly self-aware with each passing year. RHOSLC delivered one of the best episodes of reality television, but we're hotly debating one question: Who called the feds on Jen Shah?
COMING UP ON THE BEEHIVE
Arianna Reese recaps a social media stunt gone awry in her piece Will The Real Michael Jordan Please Stand Up
One More Thing!
I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the one-year anniversary of the funniest thing to ever happen: The Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference debacle.